Monday, December 17, 2012

Curtain Closed

It's A Wonderful Life was, well WONDERFUL!  We had 6 great performances, with a full house every night.  I'm so happy I was able to be a part of such a great holiday show.  My husband urged me to do the show, as I was hesitant.  I'm so glad I took his advice.  It got me out of the house for a couple of days a week, it gave me something positive to focus on, and helped me find a part of my old self again.  I was able to reunite with talented friends and bring a classic story to life.  I really enjoyed audience members mentioning that the movie was their favorite Christmas movie, and then say they absolutely loved the show.  It was nice to see families enjoying the show together and creating new memories.  If you missed the show, Mr. Potter put this little video together using security camera footage!
We got our tree a couple weeks ago.  Christmas trees are my favorite.  I love the one that we picked and Omelette loves to stand in it.  Yes, stand in it.  She's not doing anything except sticking her head in the middle of the tree and then stands there like a weirdo staring at the trunk.  It results in me sweeping up the needles 2x a day.  At this rate my tree won't make it to Christmas!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Giving Thanks

This year I was in charge of dessert at my moms.  I took the leap, and decided to try and make some pies.   I love to bake, but hate to cook. Pies have always seemed scary to me.  The whole crust and filling situation seemed complicated and delicate. Cakes and brownies, no problem!  I went with apple pie since my husband loves it, and pumpkin which I am a fan of.  The pumpkin pie turned out great. I was so nervous because I got the recipe from this cookbook, and it had a sour cream and sugar mixture added on the top, which I have never seen. Turns out, it is really yummy!  The apple pie was good. However, Michael hates added sugar, and this pie is filled with it.  I was half paying attention when I decided to go with the recipe and as I was making it I was thinking he wouldn't like it.  He did try it, but it was too sweet for him.  My parents liked it. So that made me happy.
The day was as good as it could have been for us.  We spent it with family and good friends, making memories.  We missed our babies, and at times I am still in disbelief that they are gone.  Never did I imagine that they would not be with us this Thanksgiving or Christmas.  We are extremely thankful for each precious moment we had with them.  I'm thankful I got to be a mom.
Here is what our Thanksgiving looked like.
I hope everyone enjoyed every moment they had with their loved ones.

Monday, October 29, 2012


How our lives can change so fast.  Shortly after my last blog post I found out I was in labor.  After seeing some blood in the toilet, my husband rushed me to the hospital where I found out I was dilated and had bulging membranes.  I was having my babies, and at 22 weeks and 3 days they had no chance of survival.  Babies are not viable until 24 weeks, and we were reminded of that multiple times.  After sitting in the hospital for almost 8 hours fearing for my sons lives, I was transferred to another hospital that had a high level NICU, and if our sons had any chance at life, that would be the best place to save them.  With the help of an amazing team of doctors and nurses, I was able to stay pregnant until 24 weeks. I gave birth to my babies on September 20th, which also happened to be my 4 year wedding anniversary. Augustus Hume was born at 2:06am.  Our little fighter was with us for 3 of the best days of our lives.  His brother, Sebastian Locke, was born at 2:16am, and passed away in our arms shortly after.  There is no answer to why this happened. Preterm labor is common with twin pregnancy.  To say that we are devastated is an understatement.  I think about my babies every second of every day and wish I could have them back.  I run the weeks before this all happened over and over in my head and wonder if there was anything I could have done, any way to alter the course that we traveled.  It doesn't make a difference though. My belly is empty and my babies are not with us.  The support, generosity and kindness people have shown throughout this tragedy has been amazing.  There is nothing anyone can say or do to take away the pain, but we feel very loved and some sweet people have made our days a little brighter.   For now we are just going through the motions of life, trying to do the best we can to deal with our tremendous loss.

I was reading the novel Wild by Cherl Strayed while I was laying on my head in the hospital.  I came across the quote below in one of the last few chapters and it offered some comfort in the darkest hours.

"There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish or die or take another course." Cheryl Strayed-Wild

Saturday, September 8, 2012


Well my days off did not go as planed!  I spent 6 hours in the hospital Friday due to the fact that I was feeling some uncomfortable pressure off and on in my lower abdomen and lower back.  It has been happening for a few days, and was becoming more frequent so I decided to call the doctor and see if it was normal.  She asked me to come in and get it checked out to be on the safe side.  They hooked me up to the monitors to check the babies heart rates and also to see if I was having contractions.  The boys heartbeats were good, and it seemed like they were having a party inside they were moving around so much! They eventually took the heart rate monitors off so they could get a better read for contractions.  Turns out after hours of monitoring, exam and a ultrasound, that they are not contractions I am feeling (nor are they Braxton Hicks contractions), but what they call Irritability.  My insides are irritated at me and squeezing.  So I was told to rest, drink lots and lots of fluids, and rest some more.  I had big plans for crib shopping and nursery work, but that will have to be put on hold for now.  Sometimes its nice to be forced to lay down and relax.  It is really hard to do though!  Michael and I went out to breakfast this morning, then made a quick pick up at a yard sale, a stop at the apple store, and then a pick up of some baby items at work.  I WAS sitting 90% of the time, so that counts as resting to me!  For the rest of the day, Cash and I spent it on the couch watching some oldies but goodies flicks.  Besides this irritability it was still a good "weekend" for me.  The irritability hasn't gone away yet, I am hoping it will be gone when I wake up tomorrow.  

I hope your days off are just as relaxing!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

21 Weeks & 4 Days

My oh my is my belly getting big!  It is gaining inches by the week!  It is funny how all of the sudden I have a hard time getting up, or reaching for something.  It feels like it happened over night.  I am starting to feel the weight gain a little bit.  At the end of the day I have some lower back pain, especially if I am walking around for a few hours.  I went on a shopping trip the other night for a couple of hours and could barely walk by the time I got home.  I also have some terrible charlie horses that get me up at night.  I have never had cramps in my legs like these before.  Especially when it is in both legs at the same time! Ahh!  I have to get out of bed and walk around the room like Peg Leg Pete to get them to go away.  The cramps are mostly in my shins, and there is no way to stretch the area!  It creeps my hubby out a bit to hear me whimpering, and see my silhouette stumbling around the room in dark.  Other than that, I feel great!  I can't complain, I am having a great pregnancy so far.  No crazy cravings yet.  I mean, I always crave chocolate and cheese, and that hasn't changed since becoming pregnant.  I am pretty sure my boys will love those two food items as much as I do!

I am so excited for fall. The house is filled with sweet pumpkin smells from Bath and Body works.  I can't wait to go pumpkin picking and cider sipping with my hubby and front bump.  Fall is my favorite time of year and I think I will enjoy it even more with my sweet little honey buns in the oven!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Doozer Does

Why the name Doozer Does you may ask?   Doozer is a nickname my husband gave me when we first started dating.  I was in college taking a crazy amount of credits, working 2 jobs, plus working on show and dance performances.  It is just in my nature to be really busy and constantly active.  

Today I am working full time, trying to prepare the house for our little men, and in rehearsals for a play opening at the end of September.  Maybe I will slow down in the third trimester. Maybe :)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

It's a...and another...!

20 Weeks and 4 Days
Monday was the day we have been anxiously waiting for.  We finally found out the sexes of our little buns in the oven.  We are so happy to announce we are having A BOY, and ANOTHER BOY!  

My final guess was a boy and a girl, hubster thought it would be two girls. We were both wrong!  The boys are looking good, and everything is normal.  They did not want their picture taking and at one point both turned towards my spine, so we couldn't see their faces!  They were snuggled up against each other and it looked a little cramped in there if you ask me.  I am feeling their little kicks everyday and it is so awesome, makes me smile every time.  Finally knowing what we are expecting has inspired me to get to work on the nursery. I have been waiting for nesting mode to set it, and I think it is finally starting!  I've been looking for inspiration on Pinterest for baby room ideas.  First things first, I need to relocate my studio to the much smaller bedroom.  This is not an easy task, because I have a LOT of stuff!  So for the next week or so, I will be trying to organize and pack away items I won't need within the next year. Wish me luck!